I know going back to America to see my grandfather was one of the best choices I have ever made. Like I told my parents, "I would rather see him alive than come home for his funeral." And I still hold true to that statement. I think my grandpa is also happy I came home to see him. But as I sat on the plane getting ready to go from Istanbul to Antalya, I couldn't stop thinking that going home to Antalya was the worst decision I had ever made. And I still think it was a bad decision. But I believe more in the fact that I would never forgive myself if I hadn't come back. Coming back to my life here was hard. It would have been so easy to stay home, but it would have only been easy until I actually got home and realized what I had done to the rest of my year. When my grandma dropped me off at the airport she started crying. It broke my heart and it was all I could do to not get back in the car with her and leave. I gave her another hug and she said,"I'm just gonna go home and cry."
As I think about it now, it brings tears to my eyes. Maybe it's just because i'm jet lagged or because i'm listening to moody music, but a little part of my still wishes that I had stayed in America and I don't think that will ever go away.