Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Keepıng you Updated (:

Well ıt has been a long 10 days. Last Sunday İ started coughıng and then ıt only got worse. İ stayed home from school on Monday. İ thought İ would feel better gettıng out of the house so İ went to school on Tuesday....that was a bad ıdea. İ skıpped school the rest of the week. My host dog Buddy kept me company by declarıng a spot on my bed for hımself and we spent the rest of the week cuddled up and watchıng Glee. :) İ was supposed to go to Eskısehır for the holıday weekend and had even bought my bus tıcket when my sensıble mom talked some sense ınto me. So when my host famıly left for Germany İ went to my couselor's house. İ wasn't sure about ıt at fırst but ıt turned out to be quıte a lovely experıence. She doesnt have ınternet so İ stayed home, watched movıes, blew my nose and ate ıce cream. She even gave me some Amerıcan aspırın that was very helpful. İ had a good weekend to read, wrıte, thınk, and watch movıes. İt's crazy how fast my exchange ıs goıng. But even though İ only have 8 1/2 weeks left of my exchange, ıt seems lıke ıt ıs never goıng to end. Thankfully İ have a few trıps comıng up and İ get to see my exchangers at the end of May. İ absolutely can not waıt to see them! The weather ıs gettıng so hot here! İ consıder myself lucky that İ won't be here for the worst part of the heat that comes ın August. İt's tıme to start gettıng a tan though! İ have 4 weeks of school left, then a full month of swımmıng and hangıng out wıth frıends. İ wıll be wıth my current famıly untıl June 10th when they go to Germany for the Summer. İ wıll then be movıng back to my fırst famıly for the remaınder of my stay.(My fırst famıly has the pool whıch ıs awesome!:D) Needless to say İ am very excıted to be comıng home and seeıng my famıly. Especıally to go to Calıfornıa and see my best frıend/sıster at the end of July!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


My blog seems like it's kind of all over the place. I first started this blog at my mother's request. I didn't keep up with it all the time, but sometimes I get tired of writing on paper, so I write in my blog. I expected to just tell about my adventures while on exchange, but my blog has turned into so much more than that. I have shared feelings and both happy and sad things. It's more about me and my exchange than just my exchange.
I talked to my eldest sister tonight. It was nice talking to my best friend after so long. We started talking and then the inevitable came up. My grandpa. My sister was there in his last moments and therefore was able to tell me about what happened and give me an idea as to how some family members dealt with the death immediately after. Her words touched me deeply.
I know now that it was the right choice for me to go back and see my grandfather while he was still alive. After he died, the guilt I felt was immense. Maybe I should have gone home and just stayed there. But when my sister told me that she was there. Holding his hand, and how someone was at his bedside every day, how she knew when he had passed...the guilt I felt immediately left. I know that I wish I could have been there, but I know that it was right for me not to be there in his final moments. I know that it was right for my sister to be there instead of me.
So, after this post, only fun adventures are left to tell :) I have a couple of upcoming trips in the last 10 weeks of my exchange, and will be keeping my readers updated more often.

With love,

Thursday, April 5, 2012


It is May 5th. My grandpa died at 4 a.m. last night. I don't know what to do with myself, so I am going to do what I always do. Write about it. I can't explain how I feel. I've been expecting it for so long that I made myself not think about what I would feel after he died. I was so thoughtful about how I would react, because I have never been this close to a family member who then died. But, he is dead now, and I am feeling everything in full force.
Those of you who have lost a family member know the sadness that follows. Right now it hasn't sunk in for me that I'm really never going to see him again. I thought that when he died I wouldn't cry. I thought maybe I was one of those people who was sad, yes, but never cried when they needed to. I thought maybe I would be one of those people who would go into a depression so deep they stopped eating and doing anything healthy for themselves. I thought maybe I would just leave randomly and not come back for hours and hours, never telling my family where I was. I thought maybe I would want everyone to know what happened so they could all talk to me and tell me how sorry they are.
His death is still fresh, so I haven't become any one of these things. And I might react a completely different way. I have had tears in my eyes, but not outright weeping. I control myself because I don't want my host family to know because then I know I'll start crying uncontrollably. I don't know what to expect in the coming days, but right now I do know that I am devastated. And I miss my grandpa more than anyone could ever know. But one wish was granted. He went in his sleep, he didn't struggle, and he was surrounded by people he loved.
Grandpa, I miss you. And I love you. Cok ozledim. Seni Seviyorum.